A single dad earns money, performs every house chore, and raises his children. In today’s world men and women perform tasks that were previously seen as inappropriate for a specific gender. It is because of the evolving social patterns that have changed gender roles.
However, being a single dad is not a piece of cake. There are many ups and downs that they face on a daily basis. This article discusses the difficulties that single dads face. It will also give you tips to overcome these difficulties.
Societies have evolved and gender roles have changed but still, there are many tasks that are associated with a specific gender. People resist to accept if those tasks are performed by the opposite gender. It is why single dads also face challenges in performing their parental duties.
What is a Single Dad or Who is a Single Dad?
A single dad or a single father is a man responsible for raising a child or children, without the help of a partner or spouse. A person can be a single dad if he is a widower, separated, divorced, chooses to adopt and raise a child, or due to some other reason.
A man can be a full-time single father. It means that his children live with him 24/7 and he has to look after each and everything for his children.
Sometimes a man is involved in raising his children but he bears partial responsibility in terms of finances and custody. For instance, a father can have custody of his children for certain hours or days in a week.
The amount of time is decided by the court and the time can vary. For example, a father may be allowed to spend a minimum of 2 hours per week with his children. Or his children might live with him for 20 to 90 percent of days in a week. It all depends…!!!
Some men call themselves single dads even if they spend only a couple of hours a week with their children. They might call themselves single dads to let people know they have children.
This statement can help them when dating and getting into a relationship. It can also be a way of declaring their financial, mental, or physical commitments and priorities.
The arrangement of spending money and time with children varies from case to case. These things are usually decided by law in court or in some parts of the world parents can come to a mutual agreement outside court.
You might also like What is Solo Parenting? And What It’s Like to Be a Solo Parent?
Or Explore What’s the difference between Solo Parenting and Single Parenting?
Difficulties of a Single Dad
1. Children Missing their Mother
Being a single father can be very difficult in the early years. Your children can openly express how much they miss their mother. They might also compare your actions and way of doing things with her.
If you became a single dad your child or children might admire their friends who have both mom and dad. There will be a place that will be difficult to fill especially if your children have a good bond with their mother.
2. Filling the Gap
Sometimes single fathers try to fill the gap of a mother for their children. They put extra effort into performing tasks that they are not good at.
By doing so they emotionally and physically invest themselves. This action can drain their capabilities and lead them to emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion.
3. Difficulty in Making New Friends
It gets challenging for a single dad to find friends that are in a similar boat. It is difficult to become friends with single fathers or couples with children.
As a single dad, there is so much stuff to focus on and prioritize. Therefore, other single fathers are also busy and have less time to connect with.
Whereas couple have their own priorities and are usually not interested in friendship with single fathers. Also because men are busy with their lives and women perform the task of primary caregivers. And as a single father, you interact with mothers which most women avoid. Because they don’t want to give you or anyone the wrong impression in a romantic way.
4. Changing in Public Places
Our societies have many flaws and deficiencies. Among them, one is the design of public toilets that ignore the needs of single fathers. Generally, toilets for women have room to change baby diapers.
Whereas, single fathers often struggle when they want to change their baby’s diapers in a public place. Because men’s toilets are not designed that way. They can’t go into the ladies’ room. And the men’s room has no place except the sink area and floor. That can’t be used so they struggle!
5. Difficulty in Dating
Single dads often struggle with time because they handle several things at a moment. They have to maintain things so everything can run smoothly. Because of their hectic routine, they have little time to date and start a new relationship.
Additionally, they can also struggle even if they find a woman who is interested in them. It is usually because their children are their first priority. Fulfilling their parental responsibilities can make them overlook the requirements of the relationship.
6. Difficulty in Asking for Help
Men in general find it difficult to ask for help because they think it is not their cup of tea. Some single dads also think that looking for support will diminish their parenting capabilities and will make them look weak and vulnerable.
This is the reason that many single dads think that they can handle any situation and have a solution to every problem. This might be true for some! But let’s face the reality, no one is a jack of all trades.
Asking for help will only make things better for you and your children.
7. Social Acceptance
In many societies, single fathers face segregation in different forms. They get suspicious looks if they go out with their child in a public place. Police often doubt them when they see a child with them without their mother.
If unprepared you might get into annoying police investigations that can ruin your day.
8. Career Advancement Opportunities
As a single father, it can get difficult to focus on your career and dream job. So among others, this is one of the major challenges and sacrifices that single fathers encounter.
It gets difficult especially if your employers don’t give you the flexibility to work from home or leave early if your child gets sick. These situations decrease your career advancement and promotion opportunities.
Despite that, promotion means more work responsibilities. As a single parent, you are not in a position to manage more work. Hence single fathers face difficulty when it comes to career advancement.
Tips for Single Dads
1. Remember it’s Not Your Fault
As a single father, you should understand that it is very natural for your children to miss their mother. Instead of getting sad, angry, or feeling guilty acknowledge the thoughts of your children and engage them in a healthy conversation.
It requires courage but you will be in a better position once you open up with your children and they feel relaxed talking to you. This will allow you to understand your children’s perspective and act accordingly.
2. Focus on Your Strengths
Investing yourself too much in things that you are not good at is a bad idea. Instead, focus on things that you can do best that your children will appreciate and that make your life easy.
3. Set Realistic Goals
It is understandable that as a single parent, you won’t be able to do everything. Therefore, try to set realistic goals and expectations for yourself and your children.
Prioritize tasks that are important and let go of the rest. Analyze your circumstances and plan accordingly and if something doesn’t work as planned don’t panic and let it go.
4. Ask For Help
If you are struggling with something then there is no harm in asking for help. Single dads should seek help from family and friends. Doing so will make your life easy in so many ways. This won’t make you a less father and will not make you look weak.
Instead, it will help you to balance your life and will add some extra hours for you. That you can use to relax or focus on other things that you have been planning to do.
5. Look for Support Groups
Find out if your community has a support group. Joining a support group can be a great way to connect with other single dads and single moms and can help you in many ways.
Listening to other single parents can help you prepare for things you are unaware of. You can learn tips and techniques to help you deal with your situation. Moreover, it will make you feel less lonely and anxious.
6. Spend Time With Your Children
Try to spend as much time as you can with your children. Listen to your children with an open mind and try to understand their problems and fears. Give them suggestions as a friend.
If possible plan weekly or monthly activities with your children that you can also enjoy. This will help you to develop a strong relationship with your children that will benefit them and you in the long run.
7. Focus on Yourself
Your children can get the best of you if you are emotionally, mentally, and physically in a good position. Try to take some time and focus on yourself by doing activities that you find interesting and relaxing.
It can be anything for instance, you might feel calm through doing exercise, watching movies, fishing, or just relaxing at home doing nothing.
8. Professional Assistance
Multitasking and taking too much pressure can affect your mental health. If you feel annoyed, irritated, depressed, or anxious most of the time it’s better to seek help and consult a therapist.
If you are struggling with managing your life and balancing your personal and professional life then seek help from a life coach.
9. Stay Positive
Single parenting is a full-time job that can easily drain your emotional and physical capabilities. Hence it is very important to not stress and remain positive.
The best strategy to remain positive is to acknowledge the things and blessings that you have and avoid negative thoughts. Stop running behind things that are not in your control and manage in what you have.
10. Use of Technology
Advancements in technology along with artificial intelligence have made things easy for us. Its use can increase our productivity and efficiency.
For instance, an app called Qustodio gives you parental control and can help you monitor your children’s activity. You can also use online applications to schedule and manage your calendar and save doctor appointments, birthdays, and plan vacations, etc.
Despite such applications, there are appliances that can help you in cooking, cleaning, washing, and providing security for your children. The use of technology can make your tasks easy and can save you time.
